Two cows walk into a bar…

Brad DeLong wants some new “Two cow” explanations. Classic examples:

A Communist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A Fascist: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

An American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

From DeLong’s blog:

You have two cows.

Your rich neighbor has ten thousand cows. In an election year, he gives two of those cows to his congressman. He gives two each to his senators, and each member of his family gives two cows to the president’s re-election campaign.

The following April, the government comes and takes one of your cows, and gives it to your rich neighbor.

In February, your other cow dies because someone dumped industrial waste in the aquifer. You can’t sue, though, because a “no lawsuits over dead cows” clause was recently added to an omnibus appropriations bill.

The state comes and asks for your cow, because it’s budget is in shambles. You don’t have any cows anymore. The state takes your house.

While walking to the homeless shelter, you notice your rich neighbor putting his cows in semi trucks. “Where are these cows going,” you ask a driver.

“Can’t say,” he replies. “It’s a matter of national security.”

“Seriously?” you ask, incredulous.

“Nah, just joshin’ you,” he says. “These here are being shipped off to an overseas cow shelter. He’s tired of giving his cows to the government.” -J. Lydon


Richard Perle: You have two cows. One is wary of you because in the past you milked it too hard, and gave the other cow a stick. So you kill both cows. No more problem. -Murph the surf

Roy Edroso from alicublog has one on DeLong’s blog that is a work of art. Go read all of them.

…as for me:

Ann Coulter: There are two cows. We should invade their pasture, steal their milk, and convert them to hamburger.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....