This is what happens when Target is out of two-ply bathroom tissue.

James Lilek (boring midwesterner, Erma Bombeck for the Guns & Ammo set*, owner of a fivehead…that guy) looks like his rhoids are flaring up again and so he’s taking it out on Patrick Stewart, John Kerry, and anyone who lived in the sixties who had a better time than James, which means, well, just about everyone.

God no. Please no. I think I speak for millions when I say that I am deathly sick of the counterculture sixties. The music, the war, the protests, all the hagiography – it’s not a reflection of the era’s importance but the self-importance of the generation who hung on the bus as it trundled along down the same old rutted road of history.. I’m tired of hearing about the boomers’ days of whine and neuroses; I’m weary of ritual genuflection to their musical icons; I’m utterly disinterested in most of the pop-cult trivia they hold so dear. We’ll probably be better off when that demographic pig has been excreted from the python so we can see the era clearly without choking on the smoke.

Block that metaphor!

I’m waiting for a Kerry speech in which he seems angrier about 9/11 than he does about tax cuts.

I’m waiting for an ad that simply puts the matter plainly: who do you think Al Qaeda wants to win the election? Who do you think will make Syria relax? Who do you think Hezbollah worries about more? Who would Iran want to deal with when it comes to its nuclear program — Cowboy Bush or “Send in the bribed French inspectors” Kerry? Which candidate would our enemies prefer?

O the shrieking that would result should such an ad run. You can’t even ask those questions, even though they’re the most relevant questions of the election.

It’s all Dennis Miller- ranty but without even the absolute minimum daily requirement of attempted wit or cleverness or originality. Instead it’s just an outpouring of undiluted cold-sweat fear that might Minnesota be invaded by swarthy IraqIraninans who don’t have a appreciation of 1950’s matchbook covers and the timelessness of the Hokey Pokey.

It just occured to me today how much Lileks reminds me of Jerry Lundegaard. The banality, the flop-sweat, the naked fear.

On the plus side we don’t have to read about lispy Gnat and how she did the most cutest utterly gosh-darned adorable thing that no kid has ever done or said in the history of mankind, Kathy Lee Gifford’s kids excepted.

*credit to Julia at Sysiphus Shrugged

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....