Fair and balanced on Dennis Mill—–Oh, for the love of god, it sucked.

Faced with an evening where I just wanted to watch TV I somehow ended up at the new Dennis Miller Show. Now, I’ve made it painfully clear that I’m not a big Miller fan. Quite frankly, he hit his peak back in the late eighties and his HBO rants were funny the first, oh, three times, but after that they just became schtick, like watching Gallagher hit a watermelon, ha ha, yeah that’s real funny…again. But I thought I give him a chance to check out the new Miller. I swear, I went in giving him the benefit of the doubt. I swear.

It was…awful. And I only watched the first ten minutes before I turned it off because I was embarassed for him.

First, while doing his standard Weekend Update news reading routine, he rushed his jokes. Why did he rush his jokes? Possibly to fill the dead air. I don’t know if he has a live audience but someone should have woken them up. All you could hear was some scattered hollow echoey laughter that honestly sounded like it was coming from the crew. It sounded like Flopsweat Night at the Village Grinnery.

Second, the shot of him at the desk was pulled waaay back making the news video monitor behind him look like a 24″ TV. Why was the shot pulled back? To get the….chimp sitting on his desk into the shot. That’s right. He has a chimp, just like Sean Hannity, only this one is slightly more insightful. Oh. And there was a little buzzer knob on the desk that made the Howard Dean scream everytime the chimp hit it. No. Really. The show is that edgy.

After a merciful commercial break, Miller was back with Newsweek journalist Michael Isikoff to discuss the Kay report and testimony. Bad idea. After Miller couldn’t get Isikoff to confirm Miller’s assertions about the non-existant WMD being shipped into Syria, Miller fell back into his “well, Saddam was a lunatic” defense that becomes more half-hearted with each repetition. From a humor standpoint the segment was worth it only to see the look on Isikoff’s face while Miller tried to frame questions to elicit the answers that he wanted. To his credit Isikoff didn’t roll his eyes or smirk, but his answers did have that calm slow-talking patient sound of a father explaining to a not-too-bright son why he shouldn’t stick his tongue in the wall socket.

That was about all I could stand.

It would be unfair to judge the possible success of Miller’s new show based on only watching ten minutes it, but I’m not going to let that stop me.

The show is awful. Amateurish with low production quality. Not enough red meat for the type of audience that Miller attracts now. CNBC has modest expectations for the show and Miller is meeting those…so far. But unless they do something to juice up his act, I can’t see the typical Fox viewer mustering up the energy to push a button on the remote.

To put it the way that even Dennis Miller can understand: It looks like Miller’s going to be out of there faster than a fat girl in a dodgeball game.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....