Twitchy grows fatter and more nervous as Easter approaches

Today we join America’s Worst Mom, Meghan Cox Gurdon, and find that her children (Parsifal, Minerva, Ebonette, and Mothra) did not get the Talking Ann Coulter dolls that they asked for at Christmas, and have taken to playing with butter knives which, being thin, inflexible, and dull, have many Coulter-like qualities.

Later the kids are caught hiding food in their rooms for fear that a stressed-out Mommy, now confronted with a house that is falling down around their ears and a car that ‘s up on blocks in the front yard, will take a handful of her special “M&M’s” and sit down to watch the Who’s the Boss marathon on Nick at Nite forcing the kids to eat dry oatmeal out of the box and drink water from the overflowing “lavatory”.

Additionally Twitchy the amphetamine-fuled rabbit sees the writing on the wall, makes a break for it but is tracked down by a very manly Parsifal which causes Meghan to have a Jocasta moment but she shakes it off and everyone goes back inside and fights over pie.

Meanwhile, no mention of Mr. Gurdon who was last seen shacking up with his stripper girlfriend, Raylene.

Really. That’s what’s in her column.

What? You don’t believe me?

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....