So. What’s up for 2004?

No longer interesting:

Amber Pawlik …she’s pretty well covered now, don’t you think?

Joe Sabia…the horror, the hair, the horror, the hair….

Adam Yoshida…no picture, but he’s kind of become the kid in the back of the class who eats boogers just to get attention. At least we were able to see what Kim Du Toit was like as a kid.

A reprieve from the Governor:

The Virgin Ben…Hell, I practically created Ben. I definitely named him. I at least have to stick around until he gets laid.

Meghan Cox Gurdon…As America’s Worst Mom, Meghan was a late addition this past year and we absolutely must stick around to see how many of her children make to their teens and if son Paris starts showing a flair for window treatments.

Kyle Williams…also known as Chubby McPokemon, the delightfully coiffed Kyle recently dropped out of high school where it appears that “he didn’t fit in” thereby averting many tragedies mostly involving the other sex. While many Oklahoma coeds can breathe a sigh of relief, there’s a great deal of tension in the barn these past few nights…

George “This Column for Hire” Will…I feel bad for picking on Will, a nice man whom I’ve met a few times, but someone has to be around to keep track of the only man in America who uses “axiomatic” on a daily basis.

Maggie Gallagher…With gay marriage being the topic du jour, Mags should be a hoot as she continually turns every argument into “But what about the children?”. Besides I want to be around when someone points out to her that bangs and a bob aren’t necessarily a good look with a round face (see; Wilson, Carney).

Sullivan…Yeah. Like I was going to abandon the greatest straight line ever. Okay, maybe not so “straight”.

New kid on the block:

Jeff Jacoby…I’ve been asked to keep an eye on Jacoby. Piltdown Man wants his jaw back.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....