Well sometimes I get the menstrual cramps real hard.

I don’t get James Lileks, or I should say: I don’t understand his popularity. At his best he’s liked warmed-over Erma Bombeck with Kathleen Parker-like political tendencies. I guess semi-ironic middle class observational humor (Target! Macaroni and cheese! Furnaces!) just isn’t my thing. And then there are the times when he turns into the angry white male, or, in this case, the angry white female. Oh hell, let’s face it, he turned into Ann Coulter, which is a little bit of both:

You know what’s going to follow, don’t you? Yards and yards of specific examples?! Photos of the holding pens! Letters written in blood on toilet paper from the jails where they took those nice old ladies who protested at the courthouse! The smuggled text of a polemical novel – One Day in the Life of Alec Baldwin – that rips the mask off this police-state of ours! Right?

Alas, no: it’s the usual goulash. But it has an unusual pedigree. This American writing this piece is Colleen Rowley, the famous FBI whistleblower. What she writes is rather revealing – but not for reasons she perhaps intends.

Let’s continue. “This American disagrees!” she says. “And I would venture to say that many other feel on the same way – those who have been put on the ‘Them’ side of the ‘use vs. them’ equation in the context of the administration’s ‘you’re either with us or against us’ mentality.”

Your eyebrow might now be assuming Basic Spock Position #23 – mild curiosity. Has Ms. Rowley just admitted that she harbors and / or supports terrorism, and thus is within the camp of nations who chose to oppose the Administration’s fight against Al Qaeda and other forms of militant Islamic fascism? I mean, she’s referring to a specific line in a specific SOTU speach, which referred explicitly to other nations. But specifics don’t count when you’re parsing the edicts that flow from a “mentality.” If the President puts Syria and Libya on notice, surely he also hopes to send a message to Iowa school teachers.

“It didn’t matter whether you were a career FBI agent, a decorated war veteran, a duly elected congressman or senator, a military general or even a former president, you were labeled a traitor for voicing any criticism of administration policies.”

She forgot Bill Maher, who as far as I know is still nailed to the cross at Golgotha; will someone please pry him down? He has an HBO show to tape.

Google “Colleen Rowley traitor” and you’ll find zero hits of any relevance, although I did find a blog that called Zell Miller “either an idiot or a traitor” for opposing increases in fuel efficiency. Traitors! The country’s lousy with ‘em.

“You were accused of giving aid and comfort to the enemy, called a friend of Osama bin Laden, and thrown to the wolves (or more accurately, the FOXes.)”

(Polite laughter. Hey, it’s her first time at open-mike night.)

“The intimidation in this country that’s been whipped up by this official fear and warmongering has been far more effective that any Patriot Act in whittling away our civil liberties.”

And yet she dares to write the lead guest edit on the front page of the most widely-read newspaper in town, on the day with the biggest circulation. How she got past the guvment sharpshooters in the book depository across the street from the Strib I’ll never know. Hell, those boys have been eager to ping someone since Ruby Ridge.

There’s a bunch more of this bitchy-ass Coulter-channeling containing a generous assortment of extreme reaches and bon mots suitable for generating a few guffaws and a few “hear hear”s at your average Rotary Club Saturday Pancake Breakfast. The hard part is trying to read it without letting the authors voice in your head get all shrieky and nasal and annoying. Go ahead, try it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you….

(Added) : Lilek’s wrote: Google “Colleen Rowley traitor” and you’ll find zero hits of any relevance. An alert reader points out that if you Google Rowley + FBI + traitor you get over 650 hits. Hmmmmmm….

I guess that’s different, but I can’t imagine how.



Yeah. Like I would tell you....