…the cute Christian grinder of humorlessness and sexual rigidity and homophobia
Instead they get this, a sweetly uptight, revisionist Bible cross-bred with a bad fashion magazine, full of Top-10 lists and quizzes and Q&As, telling them to “pray for a person of influence” every day and check the “godly” quotient of the boys they date, and that Jesus doesn’t really like it when they wear, you know, thongs and sexy bras and low-slung jeans. Yep, that should clear things right up.
“A ‘Revolve’ girl makes a point of dressing modestly. She might wonder to herself, Would God find this too revealing or too suggestive?” That’s a direct quote from the ultra-prim Laurie Whaley, one of “Revolve’s” editors over at Thomas “Bibles ‘R Us” Nelson publishing house, whose picture graces a recent interview in the Mew York Times.
Wonder not, my children, at the status of Laurie’s chastity. Wonder not at what kind of pristine white underwear she might be wearing. Wonder not at her desperate need for a Hitachi Magic Wand and a bottle of Anejo Silver and a long, hot summer night, all alone. Oh, Laurie. Come back to us.