Private First Class Ben Shapiro…yeah, I like the sound of that.

Looks like our little Ben can’t wait to get his war on.

No it won’t. We know they have chemical weapons (which they have had since the last Gulf War). Why should we compromise our intelligence sources to get France’s help?

snip

This is called a material breach. Which means war.

So we should expect our little Benny to enlist any day now, right? I mean, he’s eighteen, it’s an all volunteer Army. It’s not like Ben could use the old “I’m a lover…not a fighter” excuse, because we know better. I’m sure they have a spot for a dedicated anti-Islamofacist. Add to that, his comprehensive military knowledge acquired through multiple viewings of The Two Towers, and I think we’ve got officer material sitting in a dorm room at UCLA.

But, faced with actually having to fight a war that he so wholeheartedly supports, Ben bashfully demurs.

And so he sits in his dorm room, frantically altering the title of his memoirs, copy by copy, from:

I Haven’t Got Time To Breed

to

I Haven’t Got Time To Bleed.

…By Chicken Little Hawk Shapiro.