Baby Jesus kidnapped. Ransomers demand frankincense, myrrh and a copy of When in Rome by the delightful Olsen twins, Mary Kate and Ashley…

Actually the story is stupid enough, even without the editorializing:

The scene was bitter sweet: Waist-high candy canes and blinky lights adorned a snowy front lawn, where two sorrowful-looking parents peered over a lovely manger.

But in this case, the baby Jesus statue was gone –kidnapped from the front lawn of Tom and Candy Konczos who last night remained mystified as to why someone would swipe the religious ornament from their Daniels Street front lawn, and then demand cash to get it back.

“Whoever did it must’ve really planned this out, you know like a bank robbery,” Candy Konczos said last night while staring at the ransom note along with Kim, her 9-year-old daughter.

“We’re the only ones on the street. We checked at all the other houses with a baby Jesus, but none of them were stolen,” Candy Konczos said.

“Only ours.”

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The ransom note read, in all capital letters:

“TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: WE HAVE YOUR BABY JESUS. IF YOU EVER WANNA SEE YOUR BABY JESUS AGAIN, LEAVE 800 DOLLARS IN SMALL BILLS, NOT TRACEABLE, IN THE MAILBOX OF … WE WILL CONTACT YOU LATER WITH FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS. YOURS TRULY.”

The note was signed by “Me, him and the other kid who was really scared and didn’t want to take your baby Jesus and the whole time all he did was say stuff like you’re going to hell, this isn’t right, stop.”

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Candy Konczos said the baby Jesus was wired “pretty good” onto the wooden manger, and even had a small electric light bulb inside which gave it that spiritual glow at night.

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The Konczos said they first noticed the theft early yesterday when the mom left the home to drive daughter Kim to school.

“I said, Look someone stole baby Jesus,” the mom said.

“It wasn’t until later that my husband called me at work and said he found a ransom note in the manger.”

“I called up the police and said, ‘You know, this may sound trivial, but someone stole our baby Jesus,’” said Candy.

“The police said that nothing is trivial, and they were glad we called,” she added.

My condolences to staff writers Lisa Meyers & Dave Sommers who, I am sure, each spent four years studying journalism at a fine American university only to end up working the Stolen Baby Jesus Desk at the Trentonian.