What happens when you put two black holes of nothingness in the same room?

Matt Lauer interviews Mariah Carey.

Important parts:

Mariah Carey: “When I was in a relationship — the difficult past relationship — that was a business thing as well, there was… Sorry I’m trying to—”
Matt Lauer: “Am I the only one who can say Tommy Mottola’s name?”
Mariah Carey: “Yes.”


Mariah Carey: “I unknowingly had imposed this intense, like, work ethic on myself that nobody could maintain.”


Mariah Carey: “A lot of people just think, oh, we’re in America, Mariah’s an American artist. They don’t realize that I could be doing a phone interview with Australia at five in the morning, and then be woken up at seven to go do a photo shoot, and then continue throughout the day doing interviews and then do, you know, whatever else is on the schedule.”


Matt Lauer: “Did you attempt suicide?”
Mariah Carey: “No. Absolutely not. I am not empowered to take my own life, that’s God’s choice when it’s time for me to go. And that’s what hurt me. When they wrote that, that really got to me.”
Matt Lauer: “They wrote there were cuts on your body.”
Mariah Carey: “I know. And I was, like, can these people come and inspect my body? I was, like, must I go on TV and be, like, (showing wrists) here you go?”
Matt Lauer: “If I were to say you had a nervous breakdown—”
Mariah Carey: “I would say no.”
Matt Lauer: “Is that accurate?”
Mariah Carey: “No, a nervous breakdown is not accurate. Because a nervous breakdown, you know, you don’t recover from so quickly. All I really needed was, like, five hours’ sleep.”

In fact she spent two weeks at a psychiatric treatment facility suffering from what her spokesperson called an “emotional and physical breakdown.”

Matt Lauer: “What did they do for you in the hospital? What kind of therapy?”
Mariah Carey: “Well first of all I ended up running the group therapy session and solving everybody else’s problems.”

and, finally, mercifully, this:

Mariah Carey: “Like, yes all the celebrity stuff, that’s all OK. And selling records, well, that’s nice, too and whatever. But the things that you can’t replace, like the human relationships that you cannot go back, rewind and fix, are the things you need to focus on and really prioritize and realize what’s real and what’s not.”

She’s, like, stoking the star maker machinery behind the popular song and, like, stuff. Whatever.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....