I want the world, I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket It’s my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now!

Apparently I’m not the only one who did a “wha’?” when I heard that People magazine picked preppy non-entity Ben Affleck as the “Sexiest Man Alive“.

“IT’S ALWAYS a somewhat controversial [issue] and people always call and or write, saying things like ‘my boyfriend is sexier,’ but this was a very controversial choice,” says the insider, who says that “it seems there’s a lot of anger” about Affleck’s engagement to Jennifer Lopez. “Jeez, the way people are reacting, you would think we called Saddam Hussein the Sexiest Man Alive.”

The choice has provoked critiques outside of the magazine as well.

So why? (As if this was important…but…hey… I got bandwidth to waste). The answer is quite simple. J-Lo.

Yes, the ubiquitous Jennifer Lopez has been busy this month, what with a new CD, a new movie, a new single and video, a new divorce, and now a new fiance, the aforementioned Affleck. Since we know that what J-Lo wants, J-Lo gets (talent excluded) I’d say that Jenny from the block along with her phalanx of publicists and assorted flacks (not to mention the studios) put the squeeze on People to toss little Ben a bone. Maybe dangling a preview of that all-important wedding dress (“No! That’s not a bustle! That’s my ass…”) or…oooooooo…actual wedding pictures, which would be like gold to People magazine since Lopez is like an American Princess Di for retards.

So, there we have her: Jennifer Lopez…the Veruca Salt of our age. Give it to her now…

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....