Bush kicks Ridge’s butt off of the couch.

It looks like President Pretzel Ninja is going to appoint Tom Ridge to head up the Homeland Security Department.

Sources say the president has settled on the former Pennsylvania congressman and governor to take on the gargantuan task of heading the huge new bureaucracy. The move would take Ridge out of the West Wing of the White House, where he has served as Bush’s homeland security adviser for more than a year, and put him in charge of a Cabinet department charged with preventing and responding to future terrorist attacks.

This will also get Ridge out of Bush’s house where he’s been sleeping on the couch and totally monopolizing the PS2, playing DDRMAX Dance Dance Revolution way into the night with his friends between beer runs and trips down to Georgetown to score some CIA Primo.

Laura Bush is said to be relieved as she can now go back to roaming the West Wing in the nude and having Lynne Cheney, Gail Norton, and Christie Whitman over for Tupperware parties…also in the nude.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....