President Cartman’s gracious speech
Reflecting his upper-class roots, Bush celebrates yesterday, as only he can.
THE PRESIDENT: And so now, my brothers, while the Sodomites lick their wounds – and God knows what else – we need to get down to business exploiting our newfound absolute and total power. Because like I said: there’s New Vision in town. One that knows the future is full of clichÃ©d thunderclouds and penny-ante dictators whose single nukes threaten our paltry collection of 12,000. A future where chain-smoking alcoholic high school dropouts are armed to the teeth, and where America flips the bird to the rest of the world. A future where freedom finds its necessary limits, and where slutty cocktease teens who were just asking for their daddys to knock them up must carry their octopus babies to term! That’s the GOP’s future – and that future is NOW!