Washed-up pop tart marries second-tier boy band member…and gets midget stripper…hilarious hijinks follow

Ahhh. America. Where fame is as fleeting as a George Bush deep thought…

Jessica Simpson gets married to 98 Degrees singer Nick Lachey and, well, to quote from the article:

she enjoyed a bachelorette party in Austin, Texas, that was apparently pretty wild, thanks to a male midget stripper who calls himself “Napoleon.”

The knee-high Napoleon, who also stars in adult movies like “Freak Show” and “Perverted Stories 3: Tropical Perversions” claims that he didn’t “officially” touch Simpson during his routine but admits he did brush up against her at one point

…at which point I got all squicked out and quit cutting and pasting.

For those who don’t know who Jessica Simpson and 98 Degree’s Nick Lachey are…don’t worry. You probably don’t remember the guys in Color Me Badd either unless, of course, one of them may have bagged your groceries last weekend…

(This is a ‘badd” sign…the Official Color Me Badd website is suprisingly unavailable, which is even worse if you’re still waiting on your Color Me Badd Dreamdate with either the “pouty” one, the “baby-faced” one, the “edgy” one, or the “black” one.)

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....