We could send Paul O’Neill…he cries convincingly….

The Bush administration can’t decide who is going to represent it at Paul Wellstone’s memorial service:

Q: Can you tell me — us, who is going to Wellstone’s memorial service?

MR. FLEISCHER: Yes, the memorial service is on Tuesday. We are ascertaining who the appropriate official will be. We will have something to say on that tomorrow.

Q: Who is that memorial service for? I didn’t catch that.

MR. FLEISCHER: Senator Wellstone.

Q: Is there any chance the President will go?

MR. FLEISCHER: No. If you take a look at the historical record of when a sitting senator dies in office, no the President will not go. This has not been the past pattern. We will send an appropriate official.

Apparently Bush can’t attend because government scientists working around the clock have yet to come up with an anti-smirk potion for President Might Be Struck By Lightning. The administration also doesn’t want to send Vice President Dick Cheney because they are afraid he’ll be interred by mistake, which would be really embarassing, but perfectly understandable…

Does this also mean that, should Strom Thurmond elect to take a dirt nap in the next couple of weeks, Bush will avoid Strom’s funeral like a mandatory military drug test?

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....