Like Dahmer giving tips on vegetarianism

War lover Michael Kelly thinks George and George W. both should get the Nobel Peace Prize. No. Really.

Of course, it’s impossible to lift up the Bush boys without knocking someone else down.

And in these terms, what, exactly, has Carter done? His great achievement as president, in this regard, was to broker a peace agreement in 1979 between Egypt and Israel. This was a good thing, but it did not — 617 Israelis dead these past two years, 1,909 Palestinians — actually result in peace.

As an ex-president perpetually and self-proclaimedly in the pursuit of peace, Carter has put in more amiable sofa time with more despots than anyone except perhaps Kofi Annan (who, come to think of it, was last year’s peace prize winner). But what has he actually achieved — as measured in concrete terms, such as the downfall of tyrannies, the liberation of peoples, actual victories over war and war’s fruit, subjugation? Very little. (See wretched, oppressed, dictator-ruled Haiti before Carter’s 1994 peace mission; see wretched, oppressed, dictator-ruled Haiti today.)

The fact that Carter got Egypt and Israel together was unheard of at the time, an enormous step. And that Habitat for Humanity thing? Not “Pax-Americana-big-picture” enough for Mikey. You see, Kelly prefers his peace to come from war:

The first President Bush marshaled an army that reversed the gains of an illegal war and liberated 2 million people from a spectacularly vicious foreign occupation. This was not a small or ambivalent or symbolic accomplishment. One day, occupied Kuwait was a place of grand-scale, state-sanctioned murder, rape, torture and theft. The next day it was not; it was, again, a country at peace. The sole reason for this peace was the war brought by the American president.

The fact that we are about to go to war with Iraq again, seems lost on Kelly. Turmoil in the Middle East for Carter (thirty years later) = failure. Turmoil in Iraq for both Bush (eleven years later) = success! Where’s my trophy?

Kelly then finishes by throwing in a healthy dollop of hairy-chest-beating, ugly-americanism about all of the wars that American has won to free people the world over.

Wars, by the way, that Kelly had no part in.

Go team.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....