Dennis Miller joins Chachi in the unemployment line

Remember Dennis Miller? The frighteningly awkward Monday Night Football commentator whose best days were back when SNL was still vaguely funny? With a routine that has gotten as stale as last year’s watermelon-sledging stand-up, he’s still getting a bit of work.

Mr. Rant is really on the warpath this time.

No warm-up, no coaxing, no setups. And no whining about losing both of his TV jobs — with HBO and “Monday Night Football” — in the same year. Dennis Miller comes out swinging.

He’s coming to Seattle to rip U.S. Rep. Jim McDermott a new one, he promises on the phone from his Los Angeles home one recent morning.

“What do you think? Do you think going to the capital city of your enemy and calling your president a liar is a good move? Is that how liberal it’s gotten up there?”


None of that means that his viewpoints are mellowing. Ask him about Iraq. He’s got this one in the chamber:

“I think we should invade tomorrow. I think we should put it on Pay Per View and sell bobble-head dolls. And you know something? I would make our demands on Hussein really incredibly specific. I’d say, ‘Listen, pal, I want you to shave the left side of your mustache and I want you to go on Al Jazeera TV next week and dance like Kevin Bacon at the end of ‘Footloose,’ or we’re coming in.”

Not that the situation would be any better if Al Gore were president. Although he’s no conservative, Miller detests Gore.

“If he was in there right now, this would be more hysterical than a drag queen returning a pair of shoes without a receipt.”

Um. yeah.

If you can’t make it as a ranter doing schtick with Bush, Ashcroft, and Rummy in office, it’s retirement time, Chachi. Make room on Hollywood Squares 2003. Bottom corner. On the right.

(thanks to Steve for this catch)

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....