Since Nancy Reagan has her hands full these days…

Future obscure cultural footnote, Erika Harold, who is Miss America 2003 in case you weren’t one of the nine people who watched this year’s pageant, has been given the go-ahead to preach abstinence to teenagers, who still don’t know who she is and will probably never care unless some naked pictures of her pop up like they did with Vanessa Williams which is why she is the only Miss America anybody remembers anymore, plus she’s, like, really really hot even in those Radio Shack commercials with Ving Rhames who would probably like to get medieval on her ass if he got the chance. Where was I? Oh, yeah….

Those who remember Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” to drugs campaign which ended teenage drug use in America forever and ever, may feel a sense of deja vu as teenagers across the land hear Harold’s message and respond by rolling their eyes and pumping their fists in an up and down motion meant to represent, as Mrs Reagan might put it “flogging Ronnie”, or masturbation as Ms Harold might call it, if she could just get the word out from between her tightly-clenched, Vaselined- smeared teeth.

“I don’t think the pageant organizers really understood how much I am identified with the abstinence message,” Miss Harold told reporters at a ceremony in Oak Brook Terrace to crown her successor as Miss Illinois.

“If I don’t speak about it now as Miss America, I will be disappointing the thousands of young people throughout Illinois who need assurance that waiting until marriage for sex is the right thing to do,” she said.

…at which point half the reporters were giggling like 10 year-old schoolgirls while the other half were wondering how Miss Harold would look with her ankles behind her ears. Miss Harold then said:

…she was subjected to “pervasive racial and sexual harassment” by other students in high school because of her black and American Indian ancestry and her refusal to succumb to sexual advances.

Students threatened to kill her, and the principal told her, “If you’d only be more submissive like the other girls, this wouldn’t happen to you,” she said.

At which point the assembled reporters rolled their eyes and did that “flogging Ronnie” motion with their non-note-taking fists.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....