That’s weird. Bobby wasn’t covered in cooking oil when he disappeared.

The National Amber Alert is going to be administered by John Ashcroft’s Justice Department.

Hey Attorney General Can’t-Beat-A-Dead-Man? Do you think you could find the Anthrax Killer or Kevin Rudolph first? (Oh wait, the Anthrax guy tried to kill members of the media and Democrats, and Rudolph attacked women’s Health Clinic’s, which would make both of them…Ashcroft’s key supporters in the much coveted 18-55 year-old angry white male demographic.)

Never mind. Our children are doomed.

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Yeah. Like I would tell you....