Hi. My name is Tom. Table for three? Jihad or non-jihad?
According to USA Today, Tom Ridge, that guy who hangs around the White House and plays Tekken Tag with Dubya when he’s not protecting the Homeland, is thinking of dropping our National Security alert from orange to yellow, so that means you can go back to your regular lives now. This is also an all-clear to Muslim Americans letting them know that they are welcome at Shoney’s again, which is cool because they were really getting tired of hanging at IHOP and trying to avoid the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity since they can’t eat the bacon and sausage, which is one of the bad things about being a Muslim because bacon is almost better than sex. Well, some sex…like the sex that John Ashcroft probably has when he’s not all liquored up on Crisco. Anyway… The security alert. They’re going to change it to yellow, so everyone just go outside and play, as long as you come in before the streetlights come on.