Mormon’s Secret: Get Into Mitt’s Pants!

Mitt Romney’s secretive attitude towards the press and public is no secret, and nor is his special underwear. And while reporters may not get to ride on Mitt’s magic bus, now thanks to the folks at Mormon’s Secret,  even we gentiles can experience a briefing à la Mitt:

Want authentic Magical Mormon Underwear made from a futuristic lightweight nylon that feels magical and looks otherworldly? We’ve got you covered. The top parts of Magical Mormon Underwear have masonic symbols hand-stitched into the fabric, and are superlatively comfortable.

Yes, these are authentic Magical Mormon Underwear, made the old fashioned way with modern fabrics:

The ancestors of Team Mahonri Moriancumer designed and fabricated the very first Mormon temple garments in 1842. Each of us are related to one or more of the original members of the Quorum of the Twelve Seamsters, a secretive but important group in early Mormon history. Our genealogy clearly shows that by May of 2012, our families will have been directing the creation and production of magical Mormon underwear for 170 years. You could say this particular Mormon secret is a family secret.

Since we’ve been at this for a long time, we know a thing or two about these special undies. From the hand stitched masonic symbols, to the careful inspection of each garment, we care about the craftsmanship of this magical product. As a bonus, we’re including special ceremonial instructions on wearing them “correctly,” to ensure the most magical experience possible. These are the same ceremonial instructions given to Mormons putting them on for the first time during a masonic ritual in Mormon temples. Along with these instructions, we have included information about their maintenance, to ensure they retain their magical properties.

And even better?! What’s your favorite four-letter word? Yes, that’s right: Mormon’s Secret is having a sale!

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Lisa Derrick

Lisa Derrick

Los Angeles native, attended UC Berkeley and Loyola Marymount University before punk rock and logophilia overtook her life. Worked as nightclub columnist, pop culture journalist and was a Hollywood housewife before writing for and editing Sacred History Magazine. Then she discovered the thrill of politics. She also appears frequently on the Dave Fanning Show, one of Ireland's most popular radio broadcasts.