Tuckerhausen Syndrome by Proxy
In a desperate attempt for attention, Tucker Carlson threw one of his least valuable employees in front of an SUV today because Daily Caller traffic has dropped below a McLean Stevenson fanfic blog:
The State Department has refused to answer basic questions about an accident that took place in Washington on Wednesday night, in which a U.S. Diplomatic Security Service vehicle struck Daily Caller employee Sean Medlock as he was crossing the street.
An agent in the vehicle, Mike McGuinn, did not identify himself to Medlock at the scene, or apologize for running him down. Indeed, Washington, D.C., police drove to a local emergency room to serve Medlock with a jaywalking citation as he lay prostrate in a hospital bed, while a man who identified himself as “special agent” stood by watching and taking notes.
Treacher/Medlock interviewed himself and wrote:
I was right across the street from the CVS, and I waited for the crosswalk light to tell me to go before I crossed. I had plenty of time left, according to the countdown clock. I was more than halfway there when a black SUV made an illegal left turn and hit me head-on. I absolutely had the right of way. I yelled something like, “Are you really doing this?” as it hit me before I could move.
Most people yell things like “FUCK!” or “Wolverines!” before they get turfed, but Treacher/Medlock instead chose to question the wisdom of the universe and a distant and otherwise occupied God who has been too busy as of late working with Tim Tebow on speeding up his release that so he can at least score some second round money and so, you know, bloggers get hit by SUV’s and things like Haiti happen. Also, “Are you really doing this?” is the funniest thing that Treacher/Medlock has written in about three years, so it looks like that thing about suffering for your art is true.
We wish Treacher/Medlock a speedy recovery. And it looks like Matt Labash will be on “pick up Tucker’s dry cleaning” duty for at least the next few weeks.
In related news, next Wednesday Andrew Breitbart is going to crush James O’Keefe with an oak tree that just happened to “uproot itself. Wow, it was really weird, man.”.
ACORN, of course, will be blamed.