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Asparagus…In My My Cereal Bowl

One of my best friends in the entire world — my best pal from kindergarten forward, all the way through school — pulled a funny one morning when we were in junior high.  Except, she wasn't trying to be funny.  She was serious. 

Because it's Friday, and it's been a long, hard slog through the week for everyone with all the waiting, I want to share this story with you.  In the hopes that it will encourage you to share your stories of the lyrics that could have been.

You see my friend — let's call her "G" to protect her current integrity as a grown-up person of respect — loved the music of The Police, as I did.  Because, let's face it, in the early 80s for a junior high girl who was into rock music with a hint of jazz, The Police were pretty awesome.  (Okay, and Sting was and is still very hot.  Ahem.) 

Every morning, our bus got into school very early — and we would tra la down the hall to our respective lockers to get out some textbook or other to go back over homework assignments or study for a test or something.  The vice principal happened to be a man of eclectic music taste, but in deference to the rest of the teaching staff he would keep the radio tuned to the local Top 40 station instead of blasting old Hank Williams records (most days, anyway) — and the music would crank out over the announcement speakers.

This particular morning, we were headed down the hall to our lockers and The Police were blaring out in that great jumble of guitar, bass and drums.  And then I heard this from ahead of me, echoing out of the locker that my friend G was digging into for her textbook:

Ah…spar.a.gus.  In my, my cer-e-al bowl.  Ah…spar.a.gus.  In my, my cer-e-al bowl. 

Ah…spar.a.gus.  In my, my cer-e-al boooooooooooowl.

And I fell over laughing.  Hands down, this is the funniest mistaken lyric that I have EVER heard come out of anyone's mouth.  But I know there have to be more.  (Hell, the first time I heard "Like a Virgin," I thought Madonna was singing "Like a virgin…HEY…fucked for the very first time."  and could not believe our local radio station was actually playing the song!  It's actually "touched," but I digress…)

Any hilarious misheard lyrics in your past?  Do share. 

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Christy Hardin Smith

Christy Hardin Smith

Christy is a "recovering" attorney, who earned her undergraduate degree at Smith College, in American Studies and Government, concentrating in American Foreign Policy. She then went on to graduate studies at the University of Pennsylvania in the field of political science and international relations/security studies, before attending law school at the College of Law at West Virginia University, where she was Associate Editor of the Law Review. Christy was a partner in her own firm for several years, where she practiced in a number of areas including criminal defense, child abuse and neglect representation, domestic law, civil litigation, and she was an attorney for a small municipality, before switching hats to become a state prosecutor. Christy has extensive trial experience, and has worked for years both in and out of the court system to improve the lives of at risk children.

Email: reddhedd AT firedoglake DOT com

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